Approved! That is
where we are at. For those of you who
walked with us after our hearts broke when things fell through, we wanted to
bring you up to date with where we are at in the whole adoption arena. The quick answer is that we are officially
approved to adopt and are simply waiting to be picked by a birthmother.
As much as I would love to wait to update this blog with a
picture of us glowing while holding our baby, I feel as though I would be doing
a disservice to the journey God is carrying us through if I simply wait to
share the news we have all been longing to hear. I want to share with you about this journey,
partly because it is helping my heart, but mostly because I pray that maybe one
person out there could find some encouragement for their particular situation through
my feeble attempt to articulate this.
To bring you up to date, in February 2010, Jeff and I were
asked to consider adopting a little girl.
We prayed and walked out in faith to pursue adopting that girl. In August 2010, that adoption fell
through. Then, in February 2011, my sister passed away.
So we spent a few years mourning. Mourning the loss of a girl we thought would
be in our family and the loss of my sister.
God provided comfort in a way that I could never find the words to
express. There were days where getting
out of bed seemed impossible but He was there. He sat with me in my grief, frustration, longings,
jealousy, and pain. He never once left
me or gave up on me.
Then in the fall of
2011, the Lord spoke through one of my favorite people. She gave me permission to seek the child I
was longing for. Maybe it’s just me, but
after so many things going wrong, I started to wonder if God would even have
good things for me. I had begun to
believe that the only good things God had for me would be on the other side of
eternity. The words my friend spoke were
like a stream in my heart that had become a desert.
So as Christmas approached, we were encouraged to give a
gift to God that year. I gave God my
hope – I told God that I would allow hope to grow in my heart. Hope that He had a plan for my life, hope
that He had a child for me, and hope that He had good things for me on this
side of eternity.
While God was working on my heart, He was also working on
Jeff’s heart. We slowly started
researching adoption agencies and in July 2012, we attended an orientation at
Christian Homes in Abilene, Texas. We
fell in love with the agency while we spent several days hearing about the process
and the details regarding an infant adoption.
We also got to spend the night at the home of one of my favorite
families – a family who mentored me while I was in college and has loved and
encourage me, and now Jeff, for the past ten years.
We left the orientation knowing that we were going to pursue
an adoption through that agency but not knowing the timing or really all that
God had in store for us. God has
definitely used this process to heal my heart and grow me so much closer to
Him. I get teary eyed just reflecting on
God’s faithfulness to us over the past few years.
We began the paperwork process and I froze. I could not complete it. Every time I would stare at the form on my
computer, I would begin to wonder how in the world anyone would ever pick us
and how we were never going to get a child.
Jeff stepped up to the plate, though.
He worked diligently on all of the forms. He completed every form he could until he got
to my autobiography. He said that was
the only part that he couldn’t complete.
So I struggled through it, but as my autobiography unfolded I saw how God
had been so gracious to me over the years and I saw that He had surrounded me
with an incredible family and friends who love me and encourage me. I saw how God had provided me with everything
I had ever needed and how God had never walked away from me, even when I was so
selfish and consumed with myself.
Then, in February 2013, we turned in our paperwork. We completed our homestudy in April and this
week, we got the official letter for our agency stating that we are approved
and now they will present our profile to a birthmother.
Honestly, I have no idea how the rest of our story is going
to unfold. I wonder how long before we
are picked. I wonder how in the world a
woman can be so selfless to decide to carry her baby only to place that child
with Jeff and I. I wonder whether our
child will be a boy or girl. I wonder if
our child will grow to love the Lord. I
wonder a lot, but here’s what I don’t wonder and know for sure: I know God is good, not because of anything He
has given us, but because He simply is good.
I know we are blessed, not because we have a child (we don’t by the
way), but because He has given us His presence through the Holy Spirit and He
has not left us one single moment over the past several years.
So here we are. On the
ride of our lives as we wait for the child God has just for us. Thank you for your support, encouragement and
love for us. We are super excited and
praise God for the role you are playing in His story of our family. I keep getting teary eyed as I read the
various texts, emails, and messages where people are showering us with love and
support.
We know one day we will share with you the rest of the
story, but today we are enjoying this journey.
We are reveling in every moment where God reveals more of who He is to
us and how much He loves us. Thank you
for walking along side us in this journey.
