Introducing Brenner Xavier Hunt

We wanted to let everyone know that God has answered our prayers and brought us a beautiful baby boy, Brenner Xavier Hunt.  We are doing well adjusting and working on bonding with our three week old son.
Last Monday at 6:00 p.m., I got a call from our case worker telling us that we had been matched.  We had no idea if our child was even born at that time.  The next day at 10:00 a.m., we had a telephone conference with our case worker and our child's birth mother's case worker.  We got to hear about the incredible birth mother who had made the most difficult decision with so much love and care for her child.  Then, we got to hear about our son who was born on July 8 and had been living with an incredible family during his first three weeks of life.  Then, we learned that we would meet his birth mother on Thursday.  I then asked when we would get to pick up our little guy.  Imagine my shock when they said the same day we met the birth mother.

In the midst of trying to inform our family, we had two days to get everything ready to bring a newborn home.  Thanks to some incredibly generous friends and family members, we were able to gather items together.  My parents came up on Wednesday evening to help wash laundry.  In fact, they sent us to bed at 11:30 Wednesday night while they finished doing laundry for our baby boy.

Thursday morning, Jeff and I got up and prayed as we drove to pick up our baby boy.  We were so overwhelmed with God's faithfulness to us over so many years.  So many have prayed and encouraged us over the years.  God had met with us in the hardest times when we doubted that He had good things for us.  He loved us with such a faithful love.  Even on Monday morning, as I prayed for God to give me hope when the waiting was getting tiring, God as a sweet Father, gave me comfort even though He knew we would be getting a call just hours later.  We had several hours to reflect on God's wonderful care for us.

So we finally got to the church where we would meet our child's birth mother, foster mother, and child.  We walked in and got to meet his foster mother and foster father.  What an amazing family!  Then we filled out paperwork while the birth mother, birth grandmother and birth sister got to spend some time loving on our child.  After that, we got to meet one of the most amazing young woman I have ever met.  She asked what we were naming our son and told her Brenner Xavier.  She looked puzzled and I told her that Brenner was my maiden name that we had always loved for a first name.  Then, she asked about Xavier and I told her that was because that was the name she had chosen for him at the hospital. We wanted to honor her. She smiled and was very happy with that choice. The foster family then came in and all three families spent some time talking.  The birth mother then gave Brenner her gift.  It was so very sweet.  Then the foster mother gave us a book she had created of Brenner's first three weeks and all of his firsts.  It was the sweetest book I have ever seen.

Then, the three different families gathered together and we prayed for Brenner.  It was the sweetest moment I have ever had the privilege of being a part of.

Finally everyone left and we made the trek home with a boy who doesn't like his car seat too much.  We finally made it to the church where Jeff had to complete some insurance paperwork for Brenner.  The grandparents rushed in to meet their new grand baby and were so in love.  What a wonderful weekend of loving on our baby boy and being loved on by our family who rejoiced with us.

We are so in love with our son.  We pray great things for him - to love the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind, and to love others.  We lack words to express our gratitude to our friends, family members and even strangers who have loved us, prayed for us and supported us along this journey.  We know that Brenner's story is way bigger than just Jeff and I.  Our hearts are full.  Thank you is the biggest understatement for how much our hearts are filled with gratitude to you.

As full of thanks we are for you, our hearts can't even begin to grasp our thanks to God.  Right now, this is as good as I can express a tiny bit of my thanks to God.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Approved!

Approved!  That is where we are at.  For those of you who walked with us after our hearts broke when things fell through, we wanted to bring you up to date with where we are at in the whole adoption arena.  The quick answer is that we are officially approved to adopt and are simply waiting to be picked by a birthmother.  

As much as I would love to wait to update this blog with a picture of us glowing while holding our baby, I feel as though I would be doing a disservice to the journey God is carrying us through if I simply wait to share the news we have all been longing to hear.  I want to share with you about this journey, partly because it is helping my heart, but mostly because I pray that maybe one person out there could find some encouragement for their particular situation through my feeble attempt to articulate this. 

To bring you up to date, in February 2010, Jeff and I were asked to consider adopting a little girl.  We prayed and walked out in faith to pursue adopting that girl.  In August 2010, that adoption fell through. Then, in February 2011, my sister passed away.

So we spent a few years mourning.  Mourning the loss of a girl we thought would be in our family and the loss of my sister.  God provided comfort in a way that I could never find the words to express.  There were days where getting out of bed seemed impossible but He was there.  He sat with me in my grief, frustration, longings, jealousy, and pain.  He never once left me or gave up on me.

Then in the fall of 2011, the Lord spoke through one of my favorite people.  She gave me permission to seek the child I was longing for.  Maybe it’s just me, but after so many things going wrong, I started to wonder if God would even have good things for me.  I had begun to believe that the only good things God had for me would be on the other side of eternity.  The words my friend spoke were like a stream in my heart that had become a desert. 

So as Christmas approached, we were encouraged to give a gift to God that year.  I gave God my hope – I told God that I would allow hope to grow in my heart.  Hope that He had a plan for my life, hope that He had a child for me, and hope that He had good things for me on this side of eternity.

While God was working on my heart, He was also working on Jeff’s heart.  We slowly started researching adoption agencies and in July 2012, we attended an orientation at Christian Homes in Abilene, Texas.  We fell in love with the agency while we spent several days hearing about the process and the details regarding an infant adoption.   We also got to spend the night at the home of one of my favorite families – a family who mentored me while I was in college and has loved and encourage me, and now Jeff, for the past ten years. 

We left the orientation knowing that we were going to pursue an adoption through that agency but not knowing the timing or really all that God had in store for us.  God has definitely used this process to heal my heart and grow me so much closer to Him.  I get teary eyed just reflecting on God’s faithfulness to us over the past few years.

We began the paperwork process and I froze.  I could not complete it.  Every time I would stare at the form on my computer, I would begin to wonder how in the world anyone would ever pick us and how we were never going to get a child.  Jeff stepped up to the plate, though.  He worked diligently on all of the forms.  He completed every form he could until he got to my autobiography.  He said that was the only part that he couldn’t complete.  So I struggled through it, but as my autobiography unfolded I saw how God had been so gracious to me over the years and I saw that He had surrounded me with an incredible family and friends who love me and encourage me.  I saw how God had provided me with everything I had ever needed and how God had never walked away from me, even when I was so selfish and consumed with myself.

Then, in February 2013, we turned in our paperwork.  We completed our homestudy in April and this week, we got the official letter for our agency stating that we are approved and now they will present our profile to a birthmother. 

Honestly, I have no idea how the rest of our story is going to unfold.  I wonder how long before we are picked.  I wonder how in the world a woman can be so selfless to decide to carry her baby only to place that child with Jeff and I.  I wonder whether our child will be a boy or girl.  I wonder if our child will grow to love the Lord.  I wonder a lot, but here’s what I don’t wonder and know for sure:  I know God is good, not because of anything He has given us, but because He simply is good.  I know we are blessed, not because we have a child (we don’t by the way), but because He has given us His presence through the Holy Spirit and He has not left us one single moment over the past several years. 

So here we are.  On the ride of our lives as we wait for the child God has just for us.  Thank you for your support, encouragement and love for us.  We are super excited and praise God for the role you are playing in His story of our family.  I keep getting teary eyed as I read the various texts, emails, and messages where people are showering us with love and support. 

We know one day we will share with you the rest of the story, but today we are enjoying this journey.  We are reveling in every moment where God reveals more of who He is to us and how much He loves us.  Thank you for walking along side us in this journey. 

One Year Later

For those of you who followed our journey last year, I wanted to update you to let you know where we are one year later from when our adoption fell through.

One thing I have learned this long twelve months is that God will never leave you or forsake you. It’s scriptural so of course it’s true, but that is definitely something I took for granite. You see, the first few days after getting the news that we were not going to be able to adopt A were really rough. It was hard to even get out of bed. I did a lot of sitting in my oversized chair, staring out the window, holding my Bible and not even knowing what to pray to God but being fully aware that He was there. Life slowly moved on. It became easier to do the things that needed to be done, but my heart was still in shambles. I also learned that the more I did, the less of the pain I felt, so I busied myself with work. In fact, it wasn’t until Christmas when I realized I had a heart that was broken in a million pieces that I had become numb to. It was almost like a piece of glass that gets broken and instead of getting out the broom and dust pan and actually sweeping up the pieces, you just start walking around it. After a while, you sort of forget about the mess, but that doesn’t mean the mess has been cleaned up. Christmas was hard because we had expected to have A with us. Instead, we were surrounded at a family Christmas which had become all about the grandkids and we were the only family with none to contribute to the celebration. It was hard mostly because our expectations had been unmet, and in our busyness of life, we hadn’t bothered to clean up the shared glass. I remember crying myself to sleep that night, but feeling wrapped in God’s arms. I can’t explain it or pretend to give a theological discourse on what was happening. All I know, was that God’s presence was there with me.

The new year started and I was bound and determined to move on with life. Jeff was in the final stages of a job interview that would change our lives drastically. I was ready to be strong and not feel like I had a huge band-aid on me with blood oozing out. I think I was slowly getting there, not because of my shear will as much as I think God was really starting to heal my heart.

Then February hit and we got a call. I hate the telephone sometimes. I mean it’s a really great technological advance, but I hate how it always rings the same whether to bring you great news or earth shattering news. My sister was being rushed to the hospital and they were not sure if she was going to make it. The longest three hours of my life. I can honestly say that in the midst of holding back tears, I felt this overwhelming sense of God’s presence. I never for a moment thought things were going to be ok. I simply felt the presence of the One who holds the universe. We got to the hospital and even though my sister had been in the hospital many times before, this time was very different. I think I knew. I think we all knew. But you just don’t want to be right about something like that. We spent a few days but then had to go back home due to work and job interview stuff. Yeah, Jeff was literally in the last stages of his interview process. That’s how the Hunts roll! Then Jeff got the call from my dad. Chelley’s scoliosis was pushing on her heart and there was no way to fix it. My parents were taking her off of life support. That was the one thing I prayed they would not have to do. No one should ever have to make that decision but definitely not parents. So again, we made it the three hours down I-35. This time it was peaceful. We got to the hospital and waited while they got Chelley on morphine. And then my parents, Jeff and I sat and held hands and prayed while they took her off of life support. I remember thinking back to all my prayers for so long that God would heal her. He had finally answered my prayers. I knew that Chelley was talking and carrying on up with the same God who was surrounding me.

Life moved on. Jeff got a new job as a youth pastor in Plano. Our lives became much busier. Here we are today. I can definitely tell you that the guy I married, who promised to love me through thick and thin, has been doing just that. He has walked through the past twelve months with me even while he deals with his own pain of both A and being reminded of what it was like to lose his brother eleven years ago. And words can’t even begin to express what an amazing guy he has been. I can tell you that are marriage has grown in a way that I never thought possible. It’s almost like going from a piece of chocolate cake made out of a box with cheap ingredients that tastes great to a piece of chocolate cake made from the finest chocolates with a mouse filling and buttercream icing. Both pieces are great but you don’t realize how great chocolate cake can really taste until you have the good stuff.

But, as great as Jeff has been, God has been holding my heart and helping me SLOWLY sweep up the pieces of my heart. In the past 365 days, He has not left me once. Sort of sounds cheesy but sometimes the greatest biblical truths can be a little cheesy until you realize the full impact of them.

Sorry this has been so long. It’s hard to condense a year into a blog post. Especially, this past twelve months! But I guess my biggest prayer for you (whoever still accidentally stumbles upon this blog) would be for you to really know that God will never leave you or forsake you. Thanks for joining us on this journey. We have felt your prayers and appreciated your encouragement.

By the way, I deleted the old posts because that special little girl has been adopted by a family and we are so thankful for that. I didn’t want her to one day stumble across this.

Thank you for your support

Dear Family & Friends,
Nikki and I thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement as we have been going through this adoption process. It has been a trying process that has grown our faith in God and has brought Nikki and I closer together
It is with great sadness that we share that the doors of our adoption of Alena have suddenly and abruptly been closed. We were caught off guard by the news of this and completely surprised by this news.
We ask for your prayers as we grieve this loss. For those of you who have supported us financially, we are so appreciative of your support. The money that has been contributed is in a fund that is not connected with the agency and could be used for a possible future adoption for us. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Please remember to pray for Alena as she awaits a forever mom and dad. Once again, we thank you all so much for the incredible love and support that you have shown us.

Jeff & Nikki